


Last of the Armada

by Hazk



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Discussion, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mentions of Drowning, metal gear solid 2, tanker incident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 00:43:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3270374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazk/pseuds/Hazk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had dedicated their lives to stopping the forces not many knew of, with no reassurance of victory or expectations for rewards. But as such, their fleeting existence was more than painfully obvious.<br/>--<br/>Rewritten in April 2017.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last of the Armada

It had been some time since he had last been as scared as he was on that day.

At first the mission hadn’t seemed too difficult, not with Snake’s honed skills at stealth. Otacon had thought the troubles would only start if and when the time to actually get rid of the new Metal Gear would come.

For the time being, it had been enough for Otacon to get the pictures and prove the existence of the said nuclear battle tank to the public, making everyone aware of the threat. The public needed to know what was being build behind their backs and help stop their governments from continuing any similar projects.

Thinking back, Snake and Otacon had been one of those unlucky enough to be pushed down the bottomless pit that was Metal Gear and the people behind the technology since the very beginning of their lives. They had quickly learned that anything could go wrong on the missions they faced to erase the legacy left to them.

Otacon shouldn't have forgotten any of that.

What came to the Tanker and the proven presence of Metal Gear RAY, Otacon should have trusted Snake’s instincts saying that there was something off with the mission from the start. The idea of a new Metal Gear, and how Otacon believed his sister to be behind the tip that sent them after it in the first place, were enough for him dismiss all that at the time.

Of course, there hadn’t exactly been anything else they could have done but go and check the Tanker nevertheless, but it's always easy to question one’s methods when everything has already gone to hell.

All of the greatest conflicts start small as there only needs to be a spark to light a fire.

Russian mercenaries taking over the Tanker wasn’t exactly that small of a thing though. And now that Ocelot had RAY for whatever purposes, it was more than certain that the fire would be burning far and wide in no time.

And Snake and Otacon, as members of the Philanthropy, were left to fight and put out the said flames.

Or only Otacon was if Snake didn’t wake up anytime soon.

Snake was an expert at what he did, one of the absolutely best at his line of work. None of it was easy either mentally or physically, and it’s not like Snake felt that good about the skills he possessed - knowing that you were raised and trained to be excellent at stealth, fighting, killing and following orders wasn’t too comfortable of a thought, Otacon could guess.

But now, with Snake unconscious after almost drowning and being frozen to death, it all felt so meaningless. The man Otacon had pulled out of the water hadn’t seemed like the mercenary he knew.

Otacon had always been scared of losing him. Snake was the only person capable of truly understanding him and his regrets.

They had met at Shadow Moses two years ago, both used by the higher powers and then left to rot. Together, they had picked themselves back up to fight the war that had once been forced upon them. They had been determined to make the higher powers regret ever letting them live.

There was no turning back, not then or now. Neither of them had thought it would be easy.

But deep down, Otacon had wanted it to be exactly that.

Once USS Discovery sank along with most of its crew, and Metal Gear RAY had been taken away, it became obvious that there was no time for Otacon to take anything lightly.

Easy was just as big of an understatement as difficult; no amount of preparation or work could ever ready them for the future awaiting at this personal field of battle they were left to face.

 

* * *

 

Otacon shifted in his seat. He was sitting by a window that showed the dull scenery of nothing but the shadows of grey walls surrounding them, watching the dark sky and rain that hadn’t stopped falling even once since the Incident. It was a cliché that under any other circumstances might have managed to make him smile.

Now every detail of his surroundings kept reminding him of a cage and of memories he couldn’t escape from, deaths he couldn’t forget.

Why was it always water?

No matter how hard he tried to pay for his mistakes, tried to protect the world from them, he always ended up here - all alone and under the rain.

Otacon glanced at Snake who was lying on a bed on the other end of the small room. The man was covered with blankets from head to toe and every once in a while, way too often, Otacon got up from his seat to check if Snake was still breathing.

He had forced himself not to stay right by the side of Snake’s bed as if expecting the man to die at any second. It was easier to believe Snake was just asleep if Otacon stayed away, or so he told himself. 

In the end, Otacon knew far too well how futile the effort was. He was worried and scared but more than any of that he was lonely. All he could think of was his own solitude and just how much he despised it.

Otacon was aware that his reason for fighting this war would most likely be lost underneath the bitterness of his own creation if Snake wasn’t there to put his thoughts back together. Without Snake, he’d end up being useless and the pressure would make him collapse before he even managed to make an attempt to stand straight again.

It was weird how much these two years had changed him and how only now, when he truly was close to losing his friend, Otacon was starting to see of how much he had been lying to himself about.

The wind was howling loudly and Otacon closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the cool glass panel. He thought back to the sinking of Discovery.

 

* * *

 

_'Otacon, I need you to pick me up, right now!’_

There hadn’t been much for Snake to do after the pieces of the destroyed ship began to sink and RAY had fled the scene under Revolver Ocelot’s control. With effort, Snake had made his way closer to what was left of the Tanker and somehow managed to catch the still unconscious Olga Gurlukovich before the deep waters swallowed her like all the others still either alive or not.

Not many of those who had personally experienced the Tanker’s passing, in the hands of the escaped nuclear machine that shouldn’t have existed within it in the first place, survived to tell about it.

Among all the chaos, Snake had risked his own survival to try his chances at saving the other soldier and her unborn child after having been the one to have tranquilized her in the first place. Otacon didn’t ask for Snake’s reasoning on the matter and wasn’t planning to do so even if, no, when he woke up. 

The way Otacon saw it, even one more life saved - were it of an enemy or an ally - was as good of a reason as any.

It had taken a while for Otacon to reach the Tanker with the small boat he had in use for the rescue mission. The currents around the sinking Tanker had been strong and the rain hadn’t made it any easier to steer safely past the scrap. What had made the matters even worse had been the way panic was making it difficult for him to breathe or focus even on his own safety.

All Otacon had wanted was to find Snake who was still guiding him forward through the Codec. It had been painfully obvious to hear the man’s voice get more and more quiet with each passing second as his strength was leaving him, although he tried his hardest to hide it from Otacon.

It had been an useless effort as it only managed to make Otacon’s panic worse.

Why did it always have to be water..?

_“Snake, I’m almost there! HOLD ON!”_

Otacon had seen a few desolate bodies being thrown around by the waves the closer to the Tanker he got. Every time Snake’s voice fell quiet even for a fraction of a second, Otacon could have sworn he saw the man’s body float among the others somewhere further beyond the scrap.

_“-eed to get… us out of ‘ere.”_

_"DAVID!"_

 

* * *

 

Otacon opened his eyes only to trace the drops of water sliding down on the other side of the dirty window.

By the time he had actually reached Snake, the man had already fallen unconscious and was being swallowed by the sea that had already taken so many others but wasn't yet anywhere near satisfied.

If Snake had died by drowning, Otacon might have just laughed at the heart-breaking irony before losing his mind.

Otacon had seen Snake barely cling on to the floating scrap while keeping Olga lying firmly over it, seemingly to make sure that even if he’d sink she would have still had the chance to be saved by Otacon once he arrived.

Otacon remembered screaming and almost jumping out of his boat to race to them the moment he saw the scene, but somehow he had managed to calm down enough to first get closer and then safely pull both Snake and Olga on board.

The way back had taken way too long with the currents having made it impossible to check if the people he had come to save were even alive anymore. Thankfully, Otacon managed to get them to the shore only to find that they were both still breathing, for the time being, but the image he had witnessed by the Tanker would never leave his mind.

He had always worried for Snake’s safety during their missions, and one might argue that it was Otacon’s second nature to worry about everything. But after the Tanker, nothing would ever be quite the same.

Otacon had to reason with himself to deal with the memories, to categorize what he was feeling. Out loud, he went to address his very own existence and why he and Snake were in this situation to begin with:

“One life saved must be better than nothing even if you lose your own in the process. It has to be something worth fighting for… And it has to be better than just trying to repay for one’s sins… There was nothing more I could have done. And it's not like Snake's d-dead yet...”

After saving Snake, Otacon had called for an ambulance and left Olga at a safe and warm enough place to wait for it to pick her up. What happened afterwards was up to her, Otacon had decided. It was risky, for both of the sides, but at least she and her child would get the help they needed after being in touch with the freezing water for way too long.

Otacon found himself truly hoping that they would both be okay. In some way, he was certain they would meet Olga again: women like her wouldn’t give up easily.

A part of Otacon regretted not being able to get professional help for Snake as well, what with his well being having been left completely down to Otacon’s lacking medical skills. It was impossible to take Snake to a hospital when a ton of their enemies were aware of them being close by, and it was obvious that the government would want to hunt them down as soon as possible.

What Philanthropy had gained from the mission had been the photos, a Metal Gear in Ocelot’s hands, Snake’s condition, and dozens of lost lives.

Otacon cursed quietly.

They had been used again. He should have listened to Snake when he said not to -

“-‘s no better…”

Otacon’s breath caught in his throat. With widened eyes, he turned sharply to look at Snake who he could now clearly hear mumbling something - it hadn’t been just his imagination.

“Snake!” Otacon hurried to his side to see Snake slowly blinking and trying to focus on his surroundings.

“Hold up, don’t open your eyes just yet! I have to put some lights on but I don’t want you to be blinded by them!” Otacon rambled on as he was getting nervous, not quite knowing what to do if Snake turned out not to be all right.

To start with something, Otacon hurried off to switch the table light on. He wasn’t going to admit it, but he had practically been drowning himself in melancholy, in the darkness of the room, the whole time Snake had been unconscious.

Otacon told himself that the darkness had been there only so that there’d be nothing to disturb Snake’s rest, but for the most part it had been all for him.

“-atth long ut?”

“What?” Otacon hurried back to Snake and sat down on the chair next to him, the one he had used far too many times already while checking on the other man. Now he tried to remember any of the basic skills of first aid he knew.

If Snake’s condition was to take a turn for the worst, Otacon wanted to have at least something in mind that he could try to help him with.

“-was I out for long?” Snake slowly corrected his pronunciation, his voice still quieted down by the long since silenced waves. He coughed loudly and his blue eyes were slightly out of focus, but he still stared at Otacon determinedly.

“For a-about two days, a little more; I-I don’t know exactly”, Otacon said with a stutter as he looked down at his watch. He hadn’t been aware of just how lost to the world he had been for all this time.

Snake closed his eyes for a second and mumbled something under his breath. Otacon tried to strain his ears to pick up a few of the words, but what he heard didn’t make much sense to him. For a moment, he wondered if Snake might have a concussion or some other trauma.

“Did you publish the photos..?”

“Huh?” Otacon was pulled out of his thoughts by the question and he watched Snake’s expression harden. “Th... The mission was to get those photos... Even if everything else went to shit, we can at least do that much and warn people. Whether they believe us or not is down to them.”

Otacon gulped and then leaned back in his chair. He wanted to slap himself for letting his duty slip away from him - how could he have forgotten to publish the photos while they were all he had thought about since the Incident? 

Snake wouldn’t worry long over his condition, the mission always came first. With the years they had left to live the lives given to them that was the way it was supposed to be.

It was difficult for Otacon to get used to the idea, still. Even after these past two years. 

Snake frowned but didn’t say anything more. Otacon knew that was his cue to get up and switch on his computer, and so he did.

The computer had been left by the window and not once during their stay had Otacon managed to switch it on. Now he sat by it and immediately posted the pictures to the correct people - who had been desperately asking what had happened to them - and a few sites he knew would, in the very least, try to take them seriously.

Snake tried to get up but his fatigue made him fall back down without much of a fight. Otacon glanced at him, always worried, but Snake didn’t spare him a look back.

“Are there any news about this yet?”

Otacon browsed through the news sites. “Yeah… It’s being presented as a terrorist attack and then there’s all this talk about an environmental disaster caused by the oil.”

“Terrorist attack?”

Otacon looked at a few more pages to make sure what he saw was true, but there was no denying it. He really should have followed the news while Snake had been out of it, he realized in disdain pointed fully at himself.

“They’re saying you were behind it, leading the attack. There’s even a photo of you and I- I can’t believe this. They're covering it all up..!”

Snake yawned and his frown deepened. “It... That was to be expected. They need someone to blame and it’s not too difficult to use me for that… They'd rather get rid of me for good.”

Otacon gritted his teeth in anger towards anyone involved with the incident before nodding. “They seem to suspect that you died so there might be no imminent danger to us…”

“It’s too soon for them to actually think that... It’s only what they want the public to believe since they know I can’t do anything about it even if I lived. But it’s still better than nothing…”

Snake stretched his arms a little and lifted his body so that he could lean against the pillows a little more comfortably. Otacon tried not to think too much about his condition, but the engineer knew he would be keeping a close eye on him for a long time. He was aware that even if something was seriously wrong with Snake, the man would never say a word to him about it.

“What about that woman?”

Otacon kept going through the pages as he needed to prove both to himself and to Snake that he was fully capable of doing his work. “She's alive and I arranged it so that she’ll get actual medical treatment. I doubt anyone knows who she is so, with her skills, she should be able to sneak out of the country the moment she wakes up.”

“Good enough”, Snake muttered, his speech still slowed as he looked around the room. “Where are my cigarettes?”

Otacon couldn’t help but to smile as he replied, although a little morbidly: “Gone, I guess the sea took them instead of you. If you have any extra packs somewhere with the rest of your stuff, then there are those. But that’s only if you really feel like slowly killing yourself right after nearly drowning - I think your lungs could use a break.

"Then again… most of our belongings aren't here anyway, so -”

“Where is everything?” Snake frowned, finally realizing that he was completely unfamiliar with the place he was in.

“It’s not like I had the time to move it all around, I needed to find a new place to hide in and fast. And sneaking you in in was difficult enough! I left everything I considered unnecessary in our old hideout. If someone manages to track our movements there, they won’t be getting much.”

“And my stuff wasn’t as important as yours, huh?” Snake growled and looked around a little more to see if there actually was anything of his in the small, dingy room.

“Your cigarettes weren’t”, Otacon stated and kept browsing through the news. He felt himself calm down a little more as the interaction between him and Snake returned closer to normal.

“Hmph, you just want to piss me off…”

There was no resentment in Snake’s voice and that made Otacon glad. He wanted to believe Snake was fine and they'd be getting back to business in no time. The news were bad, and neither of them was going to forget that now, but at least by relaxing his posture it was easier to start thinking ahead.

But Snake wasn’t going to let Otacon get away with his earlier slip up that easily.

“You know that every time we go out there, we might not be coming back.”

At Snake's statement, Otacon’s heart clenched and his fingers stopped moving on the keyboard.

“And even if we do come back, it’s not like we’re going to live forever anyway.”

Otacon leaned back and took a deep breath. “Yes. I-I know all that...”

“It’s not a pretty thought”, Snake stretched his neck, not quite knowing how to continue but being certain that something more needed to be said. “I wouldn’t wish this fate upon anyone, really.”

“Me neither, but at least we have something to fight for - a cause!” Otacon spun around in his chair and stared at Snake, seeking for confirmation.

“A cause can be anything and, if you truly have one, it’s only there for as long as you believe in it. And what comes to fighting… Don’t do it for anyone else, Otacon, but yourself”, Snake said before coughing as his still sore lungs objected against him talking for too long. “What _I_ have is a mission and either I finish it or die trying. And a cause I'd work for with the exact same sentiment.”

Otacon stared at the floor, noticing all the scratches and dents on the dusty carpet-like material it was made out of. He could tell that the floor had never had any quality to it - it had looked just as bad as it did now since the day it was made. But it was still holding strong.

“But what if your mission never ends, whether you die for it or not? No matter what you do, there are always new governments, new officials, who start building their own all-new weapons… Behind every corner, there is a new enemy to fight and I -“, Otacon paused and pressed his palms to his face. There was no stopping now that his thoughts were left to run wild:

“What if it never gets any better? What if there’s always a new model of Metal Gear, each more destructive than those before it. New technology used for the wrong reasons and not for the sake of the people who’d need all the help they could get. New fools ready to build whatever is asked of them, not realizing what they are about to create…”

Snake sighed and stared at the ceiling that was in just as bad shape as the floor, but still good enough to keep the rain out.

“Who knows, we need to see this through to figure that one out... I’ve been stuck with this life for a while now and at times it has brought me down with it. As annoying as it is to think about, I was literally made for this line of work and even if I tried, I know I’d never be able quit - I doubt I’d even want that. And what is there, anyway, outside all of this? As long as I remember the things I’ve seen, I can’t think of anything else.”

“That’s... I -“, Otacon licked his lips in a desperate effort to stall for time. “I want this. This fight, I mean, I want to be a part of it. I want to try to make a difference, for myself and for everyone else. That should be enough. I want to believe that. Whether it’s my life I save or someone else’s, I want to try my best.”

“You can’t just ‘want’, you need to _know, to believe_  you're doing the right thing, even if in the end it turns out you were wrong. Maybe we manage to make a difference in our time, maybe one day we’ll be face to face with the very last Metal Gear and get the chance to wipe the technology out for good...

"And there’s always the possibility that humanity simply learns its lesson”, Snake added with a chuckle which made Otacon lift his gaze with a fragile smile now on his lips.

Snake tilted his head and turned to look at Otacon. “’ _Better not to lose faith_ ’ is something you’d probably say.”

“Right…” Otacon whispered.

“And as long as we live, we can just as well believe to a better tomorrow. If the world doesn’t learn its lesson, then that’s the way to its own damnation and most likely we will not be alive to see it anyway. We shouldn’t worry about that. let’s just do what we’re here to do. But to me, dying without putting up a fight first isn't an option, even if my life isn’t my top priority”, Snake continued and Otacon nodded slowly.

“You’re right. S-sorry about this…”

“Stop. Nowadays, you’re the one who forces me to think, too. It's not a bad thing”, Snake closed his eyes again and relaxed. “But that's enough of that. I could really use a smoke...”

Otacon let out a laugh and then got up from his seat. From the small cardboard box next to the window, he dug out a pack of cigarettes he had picked up before hurrying out of their previous hideout with all their data, few personal belongings and most important devices.

He wasn’t going to complain. This would serve to remind him of Snake being alive, and it could also help Otacon forget all about the water. Just this once, he would let Snake have his way without worrying even more over his health. Just this once.

Otacon threw the pack at Snake who caught it mid-air. Even when injured, his reflexes worked disturbingly well.

As Snake pulled a cigarette out of the pack, he opened his right eye to glance at Otacon. “...And what’s this for?”

“To celebrate a semi-successful mission”, Otacon replied with a smile and returned back to his computer. They didn’t share another word for the rest of the day, but rather enjoyed the silence underneath the sounds of the rain hitting the roof somewhere far above them.

 

* * *

 

There was no way Otacon could ever stop his thoughts and worries from driving him mad. 

After the Tanker Incident, he made himself a promise: Otacon wouldn’t nor couldn’t ever stop fighting for his own, personal cause. And he knew now that he truly had one of those, but maybe it had nothing to do with his regrets and self-hatred.

It was the time to accept the facts.

None of this was ever going to get easier, any day could be their last, and even one life mattered - his own included. There might never be an end to the war, but at least they could try to be the last soldiers forced to follow down this path.

To Otacon that last fact alone had to be worth the sacrifice.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve read a lot of fanfiction about the Tanker Incident but I’ve always thought there needs to be more... So, here's my take on what was going through Otacon's head right after it took place. While there's nothing much to the story, at least it helped with straightening out my own thoughts.  
> \--  
> I played Dear Esther not long before writing this and that might show in the narrative. The name "Last of the Armada" also comes from that game/experience.


End file.
